Using Instant Messenger

By Debbie Anderson

The fundamentals of using instant messenger are easy to grasp. You simply type something up in a chat window, hit the return key and the other person can read it and respond.
Here are some basic tips to using the Instant messenger programs to maintain long distance relationships.

The faster you can type the better. If you are one fingered typist you might get frustrated. Also if you are on dial up Internet, one fingered typing can get expensive
Typing in all lowercase is perfectly acceptable as a rule, since it's far more efficient and is largely used as the standard. Also there is no need to worry about punctuation like you would in other documents. Writing like you speak is okay.
Never type complete thoughts in all caps, unless you want the person on the other end to think you're screaming at them. Every once in a while, using all caps to stress something is fine, provided you DON'T go overboard. A good example is "I miss you."

Remember that when you send something over IM, it's just as permanent as an email. It can be saved automatically by some systems and be put in an archive. Instant messages are not like words that can disappear into thin air. They can be a record of your promises, verbal abuse and embarrassing baby talk.

Tips on Using Instant Messengers

Instant messenger is not a substitute for real human contact. Try to lay big news in person or on the phone.
There is a lot of abbreviation and bad typing when you use these systems. Misunderstandings are also likely because it is hard to determine the other person's tone.
Sarcasm doesn't work well with I.M. because written language is literal. Avoid sarcasm as it can also cause misunderstandings.
It is a good idea to punctuate your language with emoticons to express your feelings. For instance, if you do make a joke, it is a good idea to also send a little smiley face.
Try to be precise with your language over I.M.. For instance, don't use vague phrases such as "Your present was nice." Or "I'm fine." These types of vague phrases can be misread as a lack of enthusiasm.
Don't argue over instant messenger. There is too much that can be understood, especially, once again with regards to your tone.

Instant Messenger Etiquette

In real life, when you're talking to someone, it's very easy to see what's going on. Both of you are invariably standing in the same place, doing the same thing -- talking to each other -- at the same exact time. But over IM, even though you are still conversing at the same time, you could be doing completely different things.

The first thing that you must remember is that your partner has a life. One bad habit that women especially have is misreading a "busy" icon as a personal rejection. It could just simply be that the person is doing something else, like going to the bathroom or talking to his or her boss. Instant messengers are not devices for spying or the virtual version of a "ball and chain."

Here are some pointers when it comes to be civil and courteous over instant messenger:

Always say goodbye and hello to mark the beginning and end of situations. Sometimes a person doesn't know when you have logged off and continues to yammer away into space.
Program your messenger to receive messages even when you are logged off. That way there is no missed communication between you (and you don't miss one precious word.
If you don't want to be disturbed, log in under the invisible mode. That way nobody knows you are there but you can respond to your loved one's messages should he or she appear online.
Your lover has written that he or she is busy. Amazing as this might sound, he or she has a real job that requires some focus.
Never fume if you leave a message and there is no response. It is totally possible that your lover has no idea that you left a message. Instant messenger programs do go on the blink.
Don't jump to conclusions if you ask a question and it is not responded to immediately. It could simply mean that he or she has left the room for a while.
Don't use buzzer or ringing noises to get your lover's attention. The overuse of this looks clingy and needy. Try to only use a buzzer function if there is a real emergency.
Don't share too much. Although instant messengers do enhance intimacies, treating your long distance lover like a diary or a shopping list dampens the flames of passion.
Don't interrupt while the other person is chatting. On newer versions of IM, they have this neat little feature that says when the other person is typing. When that is on, you might want to consider not writing anything until the other person responds.
If you find one day that your message is blocked or ignored, it means that the person didn't want to maintain the online relationship anymore and didn't know how to tell you. Take the hint and move on.
Don't overuse the instant messenger. Pinging your lover repeatedly with messages is a turn off. It takes away from your allure and mystery.
Don't use instant messenger to test your lover's fidelity. This is easily done by logging in under a different alias and flirting with him or her. If he or she takes the bait, you could get a nasty surprise (but you WILL know the truth about his or her character!)

Shortlist of Internet Messenger Services

There are numerous free Internet chat services that are available to anyone with online services and a computer. Most of these are available for free.

For ease of use I highly recommend Yahoo Messenger.