Should You Have Sex After the First Meeting?

By Debbie Anderson

Sure it sounds old fashioned, but I think that women, especially, make the mistake of having sex right away for fear of losing “the catch." That's probably because somebody told them that "sex is the glue that holds a relationship together." Actually, sex is "the goo" that keeps most men from phoning the morning after.

Unfortunately, like most things romantic, it all seems to boil down to evolutionary biology. Men are programmed to chase and plant as many samples of their DNA in as many wombs as possible, while women are programmed to prevent this so that the human species can be allowed to evolve in a sane and rational manner.

However there is nothing romantic, to a man at least, about such concepts as sanity and rationality. A man is more turned on by the mystery of the unattainable -- the thrill of the chase and the danger of a hunt. A man NEVER falls out of love with that one woman he just never, ever managed to bed, but he almost always seems to forget all about that one-night stand he had two nights ago.

I am sure you are familiar with the scenario. There is always that woman, who after months of mild flirtation with a special someone, manages to receive an invitation out. After a few drinks in a bar, he lures her home to his lair with some sweet words, sexy body language and maybe even threats that imply that if she doesn't sleep with him now, that he will see other more willing females. Then, after maybe even a full weekend, of what seems like Paradise Found to the woman, the man disappears and never, ever calls again.

The same scenario is very likely when it is applied to a long distance relationship. The only problem is that he or she DOES know how to get ahold of you. If they disappear on you after sex, the fact that you have gotten to know them so well on the Internet makes it even more painful.

The problem is that most women feel that "well, if he has sex with me, than it must mean he feels like I do." That kind of wishful thinking will leave you sitting all alone by the telephone. Unfortunately, and especially on a first meeting, it is perfectly possible to have discussions with a man who you believe is on the same wavelength as you, who seems to want a committed relationship and who tells you that he only sleeps with women that he is treating seriously as a partner.

The call of the womb to find a guardian for the nest is so strong, that a woman will believe anything the man is saying and forget entirely that the dating world is full of liars, cheaters, Don Juans, womanizers and players.

With normal dating, a woman who is serious about finding a relationship will wait at least five or six dates before she has sex with a man. In a long distance relationship however the perimeters are different. If you are a woman you should wait a few days, but don't let him get back on the plane without having it! Men love torture. Pure and simple. They are more likely to stay with a woman who ignores, abuses or runs away from them. It triggers their fear of abandonment by mommy when they were little. Suddenly, they are afraid of being abandoned by you -- even if they don't really want you! The only reason to sleep with a man on the first date, is to make sure he never ever phones you ever again.

 
©2005 LoveAtADistance.com Love At A Distance Home