Never Ever Assume Anything!

You know the old saying. The word ‘assume’ makes an ass out of “u” and “me.” This is especially true when it comes to long distance online relationships.

Here are some classic scenarios:

You have been talking to you for three months online. He finally mentions he is coming to town and asks to meet you for lunch. You go “Oh boy, oh goody. It's a date!” But is it really a date? There you are getting all primped up and pumped up full of expectations and he shows up... with three guys from his bowling team, or his ex girlfriend in tow or even with a pile of business cards in hand. “Hi, thought you might know some people who might be interested in this aluminum siding I’m selling on the side.”

When someone asks to meet you in person after talking for a while online, make sure it is actually a date, and not some kind of lark, or spree, or attempt to make someone jealous. Just ask this person: “Is this a date?” If they balk, or hesitate or if there is a long silence on the phone, it probably isn’t. Sometimes, some people just check other people out because... well, because they can.

Another common assumption is that the other person is single. This is especially true of someone you meet on the Internet. Many times, that person is looking for a rescuer or a way out of their relationship. Often when people write their profiles, they describe something they would like to be, as opposed to who they really are ...for instance: “ “Dominatrix looking for submissive male” often means “ mild mannered librarian looking for reason to wear expensive black leather corset at least once.” That person who describes him or herself as single, may just be full of wishful thinking. If one is not careful they can quickly assume themselves right into a dangerous love triangle.

The other two assumptions that people make is that, just because you have been talking online, that you are going to have sex or you are going to ‘fall in love.” It is men, mostly who assume that sex is the logical consequence of an online chat, Look at all the men who make asses out of themselves by jumping a woman too soon. Often they just end up humiliating themselves.

Women on the other hand, humiliate themselves by loading the situation with heavy emotional expectations. They call up all their girlfriends, and say things like “I think I’m falling in love with this guy I met online”, when all he did was ask her out to dinner. A returned phone call, a date, a thoughtful email in the middle of the day ... these things are nice, but not your cue to make the assumption that this person is falling in love with you.

Also if your first meeting doesn’t work out or you don’t get along, never assume it’s because of you. This is a damaging illusion that can really hurt your self-esteem. However, in this scenario it is safe to assume it is ALL the other person. What other possible assumption is a person to make? Just kidding.. but the point is when something doesn’t work out, blame is a waste of time.

Before you go out with anybody, the rule of thumb is not to have any unrealistic expectations, great big hopes or rosy beliefs about the other person, because you are bound to be disappointed. In fact never assume anything, until you are in the church, you are saying your vows and the ring is being slipped on your finger.... that is when you can make your first safe assumption. Otherwise your chances for finding happiness with a long distance online relationship are about the same as they are as trying to meet someone in a "meet market" - about 50/50!