How to Survive a Bad Breakup

By Debbie Anderson

The best way to survive a bad break up is to look for the proverbial silver lining in the cloud. A psychologist would say that you need to accentuate the positive and use this crisis as an opportunity to grow. This is very ancient and common wisdom. In fact, the Chinese character for "crisis" is the same as the one used for "opportunity."

In order to survive a bad break up you need to make the decision that you are going to move forward. This means relinquishing any power that the ex has to make you happy or sad. This is called getting control of your emotions.

Of course after you break up with someone you are bound to go through the stages of grief. Instead of leaping into a new relationship and becoming one of the many emotionally toxic rebounders lurking on the net you are best advised to take some time to deal with your issues and heal first.

The depression that often follows a bad break up is normal and some spiritual types refer to it as the "dark night of the soul." Without giving into this cocooning type depression you may not transform and heal.

Most people perpetuate an endless cycle of bad relationships simply because they are not prepared to deal with the suffering that comes with personal growth an enlightenment. Instead they go for their immediate gratification of finding someone who is a pale imitation of their ex. This way they can find resolution by acting out their unresolved feelings on an innocent bystander.

Rather than act like an emotional thug, take the time to be alone. Realize that it takes real courage to end a bad relationship and not have another one like it again. Realize too that people change and that they are allowed to change and no amount of emotional backlashing, resentment or playing the victim is going to change someone else's free will.

When a relationship ends, you are faced with two options. You can either make by dwell on what could have been or you can face the traumatic event with courage. Part of this might be to stop blaming the other person for the demise of the relationship and start being accountable for your part in it.

You are best off to see your break-up as the start of a new life for you. Once the initial period of mourning and groping for emotional resolution is over, it is important to preoccupy yourself with activities you enjoy.

Realize that there are a lot of advantages to being single. Being single allows you to focus and take better care of yourself. You can socialize with whom you want. By spending time alone, you learn more about who you are and what you want - which will make it easier for you to choose a partner who can satisfy your needs in the immediate future.

 
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