The best way to survive a bad break
up is to look for the proverbial silver lining in the cloud. A psychologist
would say that you need to accentuate the positive and use this
crisis as an opportunity to grow. This is very ancient and common
wisdom. In fact, the Chinese character for "crisis" is
the same as the one used for "opportunity."
In order to survive a bad break up you need to make the decision
that you are going to move forward. This means relinquishing any
power that the ex has to make you happy or sad. This is called getting
control of your emotions.
Of course after you break up with someone you are bound to go through
the stages of grief. Instead of leaping into a new relationship
and becoming one of the many emotionally toxic rebounders lurking
on the net you are best advised to take some time to deal with your
issues and heal first.
The depression that often follows a bad break up is normal and
some spiritual types refer to it as the "dark night of the
soul." Without giving into this cocooning type depression you
may not transform and heal.
Most people perpetuate an endless cycle of bad relationships simply
because they are not prepared to deal with the suffering that comes
with personal growth an enlightenment. Instead they go for their
immediate gratification of finding someone who is a pale imitation
of their ex. This way they can find resolution by acting out their
unresolved feelings on an innocent bystander.
Rather than act like an emotional thug, take the time to be alone.
Realize that it takes real courage to end a bad relationship and
not have another one like it again. Realize too that people change
and that they are allowed to change and no amount of emotional backlashing,
resentment or playing the victim is going to change someone else's
free will.
When a relationship ends, you are faced with two options. You
can either make by dwell on what could have been or you can face
the traumatic event with courage. Part of this might be to stop
blaming the other person for the demise of the relationship and
start being accountable for your part in it.
You are best off to see your break-up as the start of a new life
for you. Once the initial period of mourning and groping for emotional
resolution is over, it is important to preoccupy yourself with activities
you enjoy.
Realize that there are a lot of advantages to being single. Being
single allows you to focus and take better care of yourself. You
can socialize with whom you want. By spending time alone, you learn
more about who you are and what you want - which will make it easier
for you to choose a partner who can satisfy your needs in the immediate
future.
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