How Do I Know If He is Cheating?

Has he called you any of the following names lately: paranoid, suspicious, jealous, controlling, insecure, meddling or smothering? Have you been told you have a big imagination or are being nosey when you speculate as to why he is not been online or as attentive as usual?

Chances are that if you have been called any of the above, your partner is cheating. Partners who care don't use such defensive remarks when accused of cheating. They kiss you, discuss the future in a positive way and show you through their actions that they do care.

Cheating is usually a case of "where there's smoke, there's fire." If something doesn't feel right to you, then probably something is going on behind your back. The only case where this may not be true is if you have an actual history of mental or emotional illness that causes you to obsess or be abnormally insecure.

Any lover that is creating suspicion or baffling you on purpose while online should be dropped from your life. This is true whether he is cheating or not. Playing these kinds of mind games with someone is especially unacceptable for a long distance relationship as it takes very clear communication to keep the trust bond going. Cheating is almost beside the point when a relationship stoops to this child-like level of communication.

Detecting cheating in a long distance relationship can be a lot more difficult than a normal relationship. In a normal relationship, the signs are often evident. However there are still a number of dead giveaways that your partner has gone astray.

If your lover retreats or acts sullen and depressed, it could be that he is brooding about what they have done and can't handle the guilt. He might seem cold or inconsiderate of your feelings and be less willing to communicate with you in general. This kind of psychological distancing includes such behaviors such as refusing to describe what his day was like or always inventing an excuse not to talk to you.

Any change of routine that has your partner in places that you don't expect him to be is often a sign of cheating. If he is not online on the Yahoo to talk to you at 10 p.m. as agreed and making vague excuses as to his whereabouts then you know that at the very least he is not interested in maintaining the trust bond with you any more.

Psychologists and relationship experts say that if your partner's taste in clothing, movies or music suddenly changes, or if they attempt to diminish the importance of your relationship or seem to deny shared feelings, then cheating is probably the reason.

A lover that is thinking of flying the coop will also describe his future in a way that does not seem to include you. For instance he might say, "I am planning to travel in Belize next year." rather than "Why don't WE travel in Belize next year." If he is using the "I" more than the "we" lately when he talks to you then it could be he is envisioning a future without you (and possibly with someone else.)

If he is picking fights or being overly critical of you that may be his way of trying to prove to himself that you are so despicable that you deserve to be cheated on (after the fact.) If the fight becomes bad enough, then he has an excuse to cheat because "you deserve it."

Another tact is to start blaming you for everything that is wrong in his life and also the world. This is one way guilty lovers deny their own guilt and instead transfer all their shame onto you.

Your mate might also become overly sensitive to criticism from you or turn every remark that you make into a joke. You may feel belittled or like the object of sarcasm. Nobody knows why, but men who cheat seem to resort to this in an attempt to drive away or repulse the lover that they don't want anymore. Something in their heads tells them this is easier than simply being honest with you. If this is happening in your relationship, don't stick around to see where it leads. Usually the result is more contempt than you can handle, and then finally an explosive confession of the truth "I have found someone else."

It is also common for cheating partners to threaten to leave the relationship if you don't bow to their every whim. This is their way of letting you know you have no power in the relationship. At this point, your lover has become the equivalent of a "personal terrorist" and I highly advise you get out before they lay the big "I have found someone else" on you.

Perhaps the biggest indication that you might be dealing with a cheater is if they stop acting as if they are a part of your life. This is something as a woman that you will intuitively feel.