Healing a Long Distance Rift

By Debbie Anderson

Arguments happen between even the most dedicated lovers. But when they occur in a long distance relationship, they can be especially challenging. Thankfully, there is a way to repair the damage, and it’s all down to that magic word… communication! Here’s how to do it:
Write each of the following questions on a piece of paper, leaving plenty of space for your answers. If your partner is speaking to you, try and convince him or her to do the same by emailing this to them.

  • Were there any other factors affecting me before the argument started (For example: stress, anxiety, anger at someone else, hormones, tiredness or illness)?
  • Were there any reasons I may have had for being defensive and prolonging the argument. (For example: experiencing guilt, a hurt ego or too proud to say sorry.)
  • Was there anything else affecting my partner that I did not heed before the argument started? (For example: were they tired, stressed, feeling worried or upset?)
  • What could I have done differently that would have prevented the conversation from escalating into a full-blown argument (For example: listened more, not been so defensive, been more mature, not jumped to conclusions)?
  • What did I do to fuel the argument (For example: using frosty language, changing your tone of voice or being sparse with typing in a chat.)

Once you've answered all these questions, take some time to share your thoughts with your partner and talk about what you can do together to try to avoid arguing in the future.

"In the future we both agree to..."

The first part of the exercise can be done on your own or emailed to your partner to show that you are making an earnest attempt to make good. The second part, the pact of better behavior, can be done live on instant messenger, on the phone or by email as well.

 
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