The First Meeting

If you are not the kind of person who can easily handle anything that comes their way in life, then meeting people online and having to go through the often awkward and tense initial meeting is probably not for you! In essence it is very much like a blind date.

Keep in mind that many online first meetings are often disappointing and that this kind of letdown is part of the nature of the beast. In fact, odds are that the two of you probably won't have any chemistry. The worst thing you can do is try to force yourself to feel chemistry that doesn't exist when you find yourself sitting in front of someone who plainly makes you feel really uncomfortable!

Although first impressions are important in online dating just as they are with any kind of dating, it is probably a good idea not to go overboard. First of all the other person may find you a bit intimidating if they are not as well dressed as you. Overdressing is often perceived as compensation for personal insecurity. Agree online with the other person how you are going to dress before you meet.

Women should not dress too sexy. Exposing too much thigh or cleavage could send the wrong message and get you in hot water if he suggests that the two of you have sex before you are ready. You don't have to dress like a school marm, but you also don't have to give him the impression that what you want is "sex at first sight."

Men should dress casually but smartly. Although it is important to feel comfortable, try to avoid showing up in track pants or a sweatshirt. A shirt with a blazer and jeans is always good.

Pick a time to meet that is convenient for both of you and make sure that you show up on time. Give him or her a cell phone number to call if you are late. If a date is more than 20 minutes late and does not call then it is a sign that he or she has little respect for you now and will probably have less in the future.

Don't suggest any activity that is too extreme or too dramatic. For instance, it is probably not a good idea to invite the person out to a fetish cocktail party. Also as you have no real idea of the person's food allergies or taste preferences it is best to meet over coffee rather than spicy Cajun sushi.

Meeting for a drink is also a bad idea as alcohol tends to distort your perception of the situation. Although alcohol can make the flow of conversation a little easier, it also impairs your judgment. If you are a woman and the man insists on having a drink, it is safe to assume that he is more interested in getting into your pants rather than just meeting you.

If meeting for a coffee is too boring for the two of you then try to make sure that the activity is something that you both enjoy. For instance, if you are both interested in art history, maybe a trip to a museum is in order. However, wherever you meet make sure there is plenty of human traffic and that you are able to easily get away from the other person if it is not working out.

Women in particular should beware of men who are suggesting that they meet in an isolated or private place as it is possible in this day and age that you might be dealing with a weirdo who is a good actor online. One benefit to suggesting an activity that the two of you can do together is that it definitely does take away from the awkwardness of not knowing what to say to each other.

If you are the man it is a really good idea to bring a small gift such as flowers or a box of chocolates or some kind of token of your affection. This shows your respect for her and that you mean well and also if the gift is a bit offbeat or funny it can also serve as an icebreaker.

Keep in mind that is normal for the first twenty minutes or so of a first date like this to feel awkward. First of all the two of you will be in a kind of mutual shock. If the conversation is stilted, try saying something like "So, how was your day." Good things to talk about are television, sports and current events. Bad things to talk about are your ex, death, religion and politics.

Perhaps the best advice I can give you in this situation is to keep your sense of humor. Don't turn into a drama queen if the person has described themselves as a statuesque six-foot blonde and turns out to be a five foot seven brunette. If the man has told you he has stopped drinking and has ordered six beers in fifteen minutes simply note it in your mind and don't try to challenge him on it.

The first meeting is not the time to challenge the individual on any lies. Tell them later, or don't tell them at all. After all if they have lied to you about little things it is likely that they have lied about other matters in their life as well. This is not the kind of person that you want as a friend or a relationship.

Tips For the First Meeting for Men

Some men know instinctively how to handle a first date and others are simply mystified by the process. The secret magic formula is simply to show common courtesy and be polite.

If this is still leaving you clueless, then let me remind you of that common fairy tale archetype "Prince Charming." Prince Charming would never show up to a first date with three days stubble or in track pants. Prince Charming would not talk on his cell phone during the date. He wouldn't flirt with the waitress or get drunk.

Instead, he would pull out the chair for the woman, initiate conversations by asking the woman about herself and most importantly maintain eye contact with her throughout the meeting. Now if you can just pay attention to all of that, nothing should go wrong on your date.

The human male's natural enthusiasm for sex is why you need to know thyself before you meet an online friend. If you want a series of one-night stands, tell her off the bat. Make sure that she knows there is no hope of marriage because you live far away. Promise yourself you will be honest with her.

If marriage is your goal make that clear to the woman. Give her a timeline as to where you see yourself relationship-wise (with anybody and not necessarily just her) in about a year, two years, five years and ten years. If she knows what you want, she will try harder to become that thing that you want (especially if she has decided she loves you.)

Signs that your first offline meeting with a woman is not going well are if she won't stop talking about her ex, won't talk to you at all, starts crying, or starts flirting with the 16 year old waiter. If you are a male you might think that you are somehow causing this behavior. This is simply not true. She may act like this with everyone and you just haven't seen it yet.

If you are a man whose dates constantly seem to be going wrong it is possible that for some sabotaging subconscious reason that you are attracted to women who are emotionally unavailable. Women that fall into the emotionally unavailable category include women who act like victims, women who are promiscuous, women who are obsessed with their exes, women that hate their daddies and women that claim to be depressed, manic depressive or addicted. If you are constantly attracting women like this then you need to see a therapist to assess why you keep having to repeat after each failed relationship: "it seemed like a good idea at the time”.

How Men Can Make It Special

If you are really attracted to your new online flirtation then there are little things you can do to make her feel special.

• Bring her a bouquet of flowers or even cuter, pick a flower, put it in your buttonhole and then give it to her from across the table. Tell her she would look cute with it tucked behind her ears. If you buy her a bouquet of flowers make sure it is not too big or she will feel awkward hauling it around. Small bunches of tulips; miniature roses or freesia are you best choices.

• Unless you know that she is a rabid feminist who objects to this kind of things make sure you help her with her coat, pull out her chair and be civil and courteous at all times. Also mind your table manners, as she will be looking for that sort of thing for in the future when she wants to show you off to her mother and friends.

• Don't brag about yourself. Most women find this obnoxious.

• Keep your sense of humor. If the waiter spills a drink all over you, laugh it off. Don't turn it into a scene. Avoid risqué jokes and don't make blonde jokes if she is a blonde!

Making Conversation for Men

Women's feelings are easily hurt by off-hand comments that men think wouldn't
even hurt a flea. Choose your words carefully and consider if what you want to say is a
necessary comment at all. When in doubt, it is probably best not to say it, even if you
think she too would appreciate your admiration of Britney Spear's latest outfit in her video MTV.

When you are meeting with a woman, the only opinion worth giving is one that directly flatterers her. Don't lie. Try to find something that you truly appreciate about her.
For instance, if you think her hair and everything else looks prudish, make a comment
about her great sense of humor or excellent driving skills.

Although flattery will get you everywhere, it is also important to practice moderation. If you shower a woman with too many compliments within a half-hour period of time she might start to think you are insincere, want to borrow money from her or that you have turned into an obsessive stalker.

If you have problems expressing a direct compliment, such as "I love the way you
have done your hair" then you can always try and indirect compliment such as "Oh I see
you have changed your look! It's great!"

Women also appreciate it if you make her the source of admiration. For instance,
instead of exclaiming, "I love your skirt", try rephrasing to it "You make that skirt look
fantastic" or "Those legs are perfect for that skirt." Some women also appreciate the
rarefied compliment such as "Only someone with your great body could pull off a look like that."

Perhaps one of the dumbest things you can ever do on a date is point out other
women's physical assets. It is completely inappropriate to say something like "Do you
think that waitress's breast are fake or real?"

If your long distance lover has recently had a make-over try to avoid point-blank observations such as "You finally plucked your eyebrows!" or "Wow! You are wearing makeup for a change. What a HUGE difference from before." Instead try to say something simple, such as "You know what? You look great!"

You are also advised to stay away from the subject of weight. If she asks you if she needs to lose weight, the only correct answer is "No. I like you just the way you are." Other sentences, phrases and expressions to avoid using around a woman are:

"What's wrong with your hair?"
"Are you going to wear that tonight?"
"Your friend is cute."
"You remind me of my ex-girlfriend."
"Do you want to see where I broke my tooth?"
"I am thinking of taking a trip to Europe by myself."
"Some of my friends don't like you."
"You're not one of those feminists are you?"
"I saw a puppy run over on the freeway today."

When in doubt, follow this rule of thumb: "If you don't have anything nice to say,
don't say it at all.