Evaluating Personal Ads and Profiles

By Debbie Anderson

You're browsing for potential dates on an online "meet market" and up comes that photo of that guy claiming to be a carefree 28 years old. He is leaning on his bright red sports car and wearing the "rebel and loner" type leather jacket. However, when you look at the photograph more closely it appears he is wearing an Elvis toupee and his open shirt displays some graying fuzz. You might just chuckle and ask, "Who is going to be fooled by this?" The sad truth is that many people do. The reason is that the Internet is a place full of fantasy and illusion and it is human nature to believe the best of others.

Taking a good long look at the photo when evaluating a personal profile. This usually tells you every thing you need to know about the person. If there is no photo then email the person and ask for one. Just write and say you are interested and you want to know what they look like. If the person refuses, usually the reason is because they are very overweight (after all 6 out of 10 Americans are obese) or married and don't want their friends or family to catch them trolling for an affair online.

Some people try to get around the whole online photo issue by posting a photo of a celebrity, a pet or their baby picture. Also bewared of photographs that seem to be a high school photo. Usually this is the kind of photograph submitted by a person who feels they are seriously disfigured in some way (even if they are not.) Basically individuals who are hesitant to post their photo online are usually insecure or lack self-esteem. You don't want to entertain a courtship with someone like that anyway.

Also look for photographs that look a little too professional. There are outlets in malls that specialize in making women look a little more glamorous then they actually are. If the woman is wearing a lot of makeup or the photograph looks like it has been given the Vaseline treatment then she is probably a lot older than she says she is.

There are also mesh filters that can be bought that fit ordinary cameras that can make men look much younger than they are. Also direct or flood lighting that eliminates all shadows from the face also eliminates wrinkles and other marks. Beware of taking any photo that is completely devoid of shadows at face value.

Other signs that granny or grandpa might be trying to pass themselves off as swinging singles are the amateur facelift (the ponytail that is pulled so tight that all sagging skin is pulled with it. A photo that features the sitter propping up a double chin with the palm of a hand might also be concealing a great age.

Men tend to use a lot of props and devices to make themselves look more youthful. Watch out for the overcompensating techniques such as the wide-open shirt, tons of heavy jewelry or hair that looks a little too black.

Both sexes may also try using a distraction in the photograph to attract you. For instance, they might try featuring their pet or their motorcycle as the central object in the photograph so that you are charmed by the symbols that are representative of them as opposed to their actual appearance.

Part B of evaluating an online profile is reading the person's profile. Do they write like an idiot? They probably are. If literacy is a must on your list of must-have qualities in a partner, avoid contacting profiles that feature spelling errors or grammatical mistakes.

Also take note of the tone that the profile is written in. Does it sound honest? Are they pretending to be someone they are not? Like James Bond? Or Anna Nicole Smith? Assess a profile to see if it is too good to be true. For instance, one might want to ask why "a handsome, wealthy pilot" is looking for love online.

If the profile sounds really attractive it is likely written by a thirteen year old fooling around on the net. The same thing goes for profiles that sound too sarcastic or that outrageously funny. Kids are just really talented when it comes to capturing archetypes and also getting around the membership agreement rules on online dating sites. Underage Romeos can often be spotted by their amateur language, references to pop culture and bad spelling. Don't be one of those woman who spends her nights unknowingly fantasizing about a 13 year old suitor.

Also watch out for falling for the non-profile. This is the personal description that pretends to but actually tells you absolutely nothing about the individual. If they talk about everything but themselves then the person might be evasive or very immature.

As the Internet is also the catch-all cyber basin for individuals who suffer from mental illness and addiction you might want to avoid profiles that seem a little weird. For instance, avoid the guy whose profile says that he enjoys a twelve pack every Sunday. Likewise avoid any individual that is using words like "twelve-step" or "in recovery." Explicit sexual language should also be avoided as usual that "horny housewife" is trying to charge you for her services or suffering from a sex addiction.

Ignore profiles where the respondent has not bothered to write more than a few words about themselves. If they don't have enough energy to write a profile, they probably won't have much energy to put into a relationship either.

It is also a good idea to avoid people who seem really finicky. These types are control freaks who usually write stuff like "I want a woman who is an amazing equestrian, knows her wines, has an I.Q. of over 170, and is platinum blonde. Dark ash blondes and dye jobs need not apply."

In essence, when it comes to evaluating personal profiles use your common sense. If it seems too good to be true it probably is!

 
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